Medley October 14, 2007
The makers of Coors and Miller Lite have announced their plan to merge in order to better compete against industry leader Anheuser-Busch. The companies will use cooperative marketing and distribution methods but have ruled out making descent beer as a strategy.
On Tuesday a 6-year-old boy was hungry and decided he’d go to Applebees. So he grabbed the car keys, took his booster seat from the back seat of his grandmother’s car and placed it in the driver’s seat, then made a go of driving himself to the restaurant. Proving definitively that the chili-cheese curly fries are truly addictive.
Singer Bobby Brown suffered a heart attack in Los Angeles this week that doctors have attributed to diet and exercise. While his diet of fast food and crack cocaine has been unchanged for years, he no longer has access to his favorite exercise; bitch slapping Whitney Houston.
A new study found that the widely used chemotherapy drug Taxol does not work for the most common form of breast cancer. Research also revealed that 90% of male doctors still find the standard breast self-exam really hot.
A rise in low birth-weight babies born in the New York area following 9/11 is blamed on the stress of the attacks. In retaliation the U.S. plans to bomb Iraqi baby food factories.
Recently retired Lt. General Ricardo Sanchez, who commanded Army forces in Iraq, called the war “A nightmare with no end” and a “catastrophic failure” due to the White House’s policies. No word at this time on why he hates the troops.
Key members of Congress vowed Friday to "aggressively preserve" the independence of the CIA’s internal investigator and to put an end to the agency’s probe of its own inspector general. Outsiders fear that the government bureaucracy will disappear up its own asshole some time before Thanksgiving break.
