Swamp Elective

On Tuesday George and Laura Bush voted in Crawford Texas before heading to Washington to watch the election returns. Dick Cheney, however, spent the entire day scouring his undisclosed location for a misplaced cyanide capsule.

Comedian Katt Williams was arrested at LAX for possession of a handgun. In his defense he said he was just picking up the bag for Snoop Dogg.

President Bush called the death penalty verdict in the Saddam Hussein case, “a milestone in the people's efforts to replace the rule of a tyrant with the rule of law." Many American’s heading to the polls this week hoped the President would be equally open-minded during his impeachment.

France is launching a new 24-hour news channel. The channel is expected to argue obscure points of Philosophy before surrendering to Dessert Fox News during "Why the American's aren't all that week"

A study published in the November issue of Pediatrics found that 9-to-12-year-olds who were barred from watching R-rated movies on television had lower risks for smoking and drinking. They were also at higher risk to be living in their parent’s basement at age 26.

Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. Federline, who announced last week that his is writing his autobiography, is upset that Britney has given away his surprise ending.

20 years after being ousted by American led Contras, Daniel Ortega is poised to return to power as, the democratically elected, leader of Nicaragua. When reached for comment he said, "It sure beats the alternative: becoming a pundit on Fox News"

Although most polls suggest that Democratic gains are likely in the mid-term elections Republican strategists are still highly confident they can win based on their political machine. They call that machine the Diebold vote changer 2000.

Rapper Snoop Dogg was arrested at the Burbank Airport Friday on suspicion of drug and gun possession. In addition police are investigating whether the star is “rich and black.” 

A new book released this week claims that Escape Artist Harry Houdini was an international spy. Sales of the book have been brisk as it is rumored to contain the secret to Houdini’s famous “Exit Strategy from Iraq” trick. 

President Bush spoke to Iraqi president Nouri Al-Maliki in a videoconference on Friday attempting to clarify US intentions to which Al Maliki replied, “You’re not the boss of me.” 

Scientists at Johns Hopkins have discovered the gene codes for colon and breast cancer leading some to believe that they could provide early diagnosis and possible cures. Others believe that the scientist are evil and just want to poke around in other people’s naughty places.

And finally Red Auerbach legendary Boston Celtics coach died this week 

President Bush said in a speech on Monday that the Democrats lack a “plan to win in Iraq” and that obviously they had stolen that idea from him. 

President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva overcame a series of corruption and political scandals to win re-election in Brazil. His victory was celebrated by yelling gooooooooooal for roughly ten and a half minutes.