Swamp Elective

Democrats in Congress plan on inserting a “no confidence” vote on, Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld into a spending bill. Other options include a douche-bag of the decade award or TPing his house.

On the one year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina President Bush still believes that “Brownie did a heckuva job” he also believes we’re winning in Iraq, his dad can buy the country back and fix it and unicorn meat is delicious. 

Hilary Clinton has “lent” Ned Lamond’s campaign one of her senior advisors. Learning from past mistakes she has requested that when he is finished that Lamond have the advisor dry-cleaned and folded.

Hilary Clinton has “lent” Ned Lamond’s campaign one of her senior advisors. Lamond immediately made a strong statement against flag burning, said he would draft legislation to declare puppies “adorable”, and denied rumors that he engaged in lesbian sex at Wellesley.

In a speech on Saturday President Bush said that he would, “learn from the mistakes made during Katrina” just as soon as he can get a little vacation time from all this presidentin’ fer some thinkin’. 

ABC Entertainment reported that “low necklines were very popular at this years Emmy awards” Shockingly, hot women very nearly exposing their tits on television; still fascinating. 

Michael DeKort, a would-be whistleblower, has become the first person to use the Internet site Youtube to expose “major security flaws” of Coast Guard vessels. He also included this great part about a squirrel chasing his cat around the backyard. 

Keith Richards won't be fined for smoking onstage during a Rolling Stones concert in Scotland despite being officially reported to the government. He will, however, be fined 10 pounds for fucking a sheep backstage without the owner's consent. 

An Ivy League professor has been arrested for the third time in 11 years on child sex charges causing him to be stripped of his teaching assignments due to strict enforcement of the "three strikes your teaching at community college" law.

On Monday, researchers reported that venom from snails can actually have benefits for people with addictions, depression and Parkinson's disease. OnWednesday Bobby Brown, Richard Lewis and Michael J. Fox were arrested for smoking snails.

 Turner Broadcasting is scouring more than 1,500 classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons, including Tom and Jerry, The Flintstones and Scooby-Doo, to edit out scenes that glamorize smoking. They are also using this "enhancment opportunities" to add scenes that glamorizes Axe body spray.

 Turner Broadcasting is scouring more than 1,500 classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons, including Tom and Jerry, The Flintstones and Scooby-Doo, to edit out scenes that glamorize cigarettes. Oddly they have chosen to ignore Josie and the Pussycats smoking crack.

 Sweden's state broadcaster SVT on Monday faced ridicule for showing a porn movie in the background of a news broadcast over the weekend. Disproving the theory that nobody in Sweden has a sense of humor.

 A worker at a Wisconsin candy factory was rescued Friday morning after he fell into a vat of chocolate and became stuck. The man filed charges on Monday claiming he was pushed and subsequently not helped by "union-afilliated" Keebler elves.

 Baseball's first "100 million-dollar man" and former Dodger, Kevin Brown, is accused of pulling a pistol during a dispute with a neighbor over yard debris, but claims that he carries a gun while strolling his property line because he often sees snakes. Which reminds me the answer to this weeks riddle question is: "A filthy-rich dumb red-neck"

 Of her album, Paris Hilton says, "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good." Dozens of critics agree that this will be a nearly universal response to the album along with "gouging out your eyes" and "puncturing one's own eardrums with an ice pick."

The truce between Israel and Hezbollah declared this week is seen as a perfect first step to Peace through-out the Middle-East soon will come a day when the dessert is filled with the joyous sounds of unicorn, once again, frolicking.

Wal-Mart posted their first quarterly loss in over ten years. As a result they have decided they can only afford to lock undocumented migrant cleaning crews in their stores for half the night.

This week in New York Boy George reported for community service to pick up trash. The 80’s pop star was disappointed to find out that the judge meant discarded cups and cigarette butts and not young boys with bad teeth.

Palestinians in Gaza kidnapped two Fox news reporters this week. Foreigners remain on high alert due to the fact that the kidnappers were hoping to nab journalist.

Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez visited ailing President Fidel Castro on his 80th birthday. The day also coincided with “wear a red shirt if you love communism day.”

Nigerian kidnappers seized four oil workers and freed five others. They have said they will continue until they have a matched set or can trade for a short stop who can hit for average and power.

Australian scientists have called on the country’s farmers to report any ugly sheep found in their flocks, as a way to study the genetic makeup of sheep that produce undesirable wool. Many farmers have also gone on to report ones that are obese, can't hold their liquor and most frequently the ones that will not shut the fuck up.

Former President Ford was admitted to the Mayo Clinic on Tuesday for "testing and evaluation." While James P. Mayo, founder of the Mayo clinic checked into the Betty Ford Center.

One of the remarkable experiences of my trip back to Cape Cod was on a tiny beach with my old freind Sara-Maria and her son. It was just a little portion of Quissett harbor (right across from the knob for those in the know) and the beach wasn't covered with sand but tiny little rocks between the size of dimes and the size of quarters and all fairly soothed by the tides. And as the waves come in and lap over the stones they rearrange themselves and as the surf retreats the rocks clatter down the inclined shore line and ettle themselves again. This phenomenon while quite familiar was one I had entirly forgotten this little bit of native music that I carry recorded in a deep part of my brain was reignighted and made me smile broadly.

    This year’s Woods Hole Film (the 15th) was again a great expression of community. The film community shows up and displays what they have been collectively up to over the past year and the folks on the Cape make their way down to as many screenings as possible to support artist as they always have.

            My first show this year was a documentary called Pirate Radio USA http://www.pirateradiousa.com/

    It’s a well-molded doc that tells about the grassroots "low-powered" (as in watts) radio movement. These people believe that corporate monopolies and the FCC no longer use the radio frequency “in the public interest” (Go figure!) so they set up their own mini stations to fill the gaps. Along with some great historical perspective the filmmakers –and in Michael Moore style raconteurs of the film—introduce a good cross-section of pirate radio’s practitioners.

    The afore mentioned filmmakers are: DJ Him and DJ Her. She spins records and He spins verbiage. If it were 200 years ago we would all be queued up behind his wagon to buy Pirate Radio hair tonic, he was born with the front man gene or just suffered enough in grade school to develop it.  And as a result the documentary has a really well paced arc with clever asides and theatrical flourishes.

    There is also a dandy perspective on the whole WTO protest in Seattle and a slew of information about how it was reported in the MSM as opposed to how pirate radio and other “alternative” media covered it (while choking on tear gas I might add)

    Overall a must see, especially if you miss your days in film school. 

First, on a somber note, the tragedy that many of the folks who frequent the corner of Highland and Lexington (Where AMMO is located) have been predicting has happened. An auto accident this past Friday resulted in the death of a young girl. The corner has at least one collision a month and has had dozens of people injured over the years. Most of the business owners and residents (even some of the transvetite hookers and they are a pretty tolerant lot) have written to the State and the City to get a light but nothing had been done. Now we are left with a small cluster of flowers, some teddy bears, candles, and chalk artwork where once there was a living breathing 13 year old girl. 

Federal reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced that the prime lending rate would stay fixed for the first time in his tenure noting: “Due to current circumstances both domestically and abroad and based on assurances that the world will surely be engulfed in hellfire before the end of Mr. Bush’s term we figured why not let inflation be the pimple on the ass of the fourth horse of the apocalypse who the fuck’s gonna notice?”

Teenagers who regularly listen to music lyrics with explicit references to casual sex are more likely to initiate sexual intercourse and take part in other sexual activity. While teenagers who listen to Opera are three times more likely to fuck a fat chick in a helmet.

Leftist intellectuals and human rights activists pleaded with the United States on Monday not to interfere with Cuba while Fidel Castro recovers from surgery. The international community has also pleaded with all parties involved to avoid massive death and bloodshed and not resurrect “the Macarena.”

Representative Bob Ney of Ohio, who has been linked to indicted lobbyist Jack Abramhoff, has announced that he will not seek another term in congress. Republican insiders have said the congressman will take most likely have to take a 300% pay increase at Halliburton, Exxon-Mobil, or Merck Pharmaceutical.

In a new article in Elle magazine Lindsay Lohan says, “I’ve been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long…but it seemed too dangerous.” Though, according to the secret service, not as dangerous as the “trip around the world” proposed by Bill Clinton.

Mexico has decided to undertake a partial recount of last month’s presidential ballots. Widespread fraud was suspected when the state of Jalisco was won by Pat Buchanan.

Using his third place tie in the 2000 New Hampshire primary and his loss in Connecticut’s primary this week and his vow in both cases to “fight on.” Most voters in the region have determined that amongst other things Joe Lieberman is bad at math. 

I took a class that required a great deal of time, it was 300 degrees or so for a week plus and then I went to Cape Cod (as previously mentioned.) I saw some good films at the Woods Hole Film Festival met up with old friends and ate lobster. I will fill in the details as soon as possible, I'm not used to thinking. Did I mention that I'm opposed to change? With the exception of the dumb shit, that can change right away. How about that Joe Leiberman, is he a tool or what? See! That's change I can embrace.