Swamp Elective

America has an immigration problem and it’s not the one you think it is or the one you’re being trained to worry about. Any sociologist, anthropologist or halfway honest economist (even) will tell you the impact of immigration legal, illegal, and grey market combined is a net positive for the US. It has been in the past, is so now and barring some Star Trek style interplanetary migration requiring radically different food sources or basic bathroom fixtures it will be in the future.
No, the problem is that the Democrats and the Republicans who have neatly divided the religious communities into fear-based Pavlovian symmetry for optimal bicameral fund-raising are now faced with an energized electorate that refuses to respond as a homogenous monolithic voting block.
How can we pander to a group that clings to the idea of human decency and social justice like a buzzard on a shit wagon?
The Cubans are solidly conservative Republicans but that’s only because they are all anti-Castro. Castro is 112 years old now and 20 minutes after he’s dead there’s going to be a Trump Towers Havana open with naked hookers in the lobby to take your bags. Not to mention that the Cubans, in this country, are all in Florida and New York and those two states have nothing else in common but Jewish grandmothers who mostly vote Democratic.
The Mexicans are mostly catholic and mostly against abortion but also huge supporters of labor unions.
El Salvadorians political affiliation depends on when they came here we’re pretty sure the ones who came during the Reagan years are firmly anti-death squad but there’s this whole new people’s revolution happening in Central America now.
Don’t get me started on the Guatemalans the Peruvians the Hondurans. And that’s just a few of the Hispanic groups! Wait until the Asian groups get organized and start calling their elected officials.
The politicians thought they had the perfect bright shiny object to dazzle the electorate with, so that no one would notice their incompetence on a raft of other issues. Scapegoat the non-voting outsider and blame him for your (fill in the blank) trouble is right there on page 2 of your Joseph Goebbels “Subvert the Process of Democracy for Use by Corporate Powers Hymn Book” how could it fail? But this hornet’s nest was a bad choice for this election cycle’s piñata and I just hope the right broomstick wielding douche bags get stung.

The Rolling Stones played their first concert on Mainland China to a packed audience in Shanghai. Prior to the concert the Chinese government asked them not to play several songs because they though the tunes were derivative of earlier much better work and because the whole “Emotional Rescue” album blew donkey.

The US has accused city officials of the Venezuelan capital, Caracas, of complicity in an attack on the car of US Ambassador William Brownfield. President Hugo Chavez said, “We will make you a deal if you stop threatening the rest of the world with nuclear annihilation, we will not pelt your heavily armored vehicles with food.”

Jennifer Lopez is suing her ex-husband, claiming he demanded $5 million to keep him from publishing a tell-all book. The proposed title, “JLo; One year and eight weeks with that big ass!”

Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay’s Chris Martin, had a second child this past Monday naming the child Moses because they want to set him adrift in a basket of reeds, they hate Egyptians, and it’s at least as pretentious as Apple.

Election officials in Italy have declared Romano
Prodi the winner of the presidential election but Silvio Berrlusconi refuses to admit defeat saying, “I am sure I bought at least 2000 more votes than they are saying”

Pop star Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline, parents of a seven- month-old son, have been visited by child protection officers. The officer found that both parents were dumb as posts but that is not illegal so there is nothing he could do about it.

According to the latest Washington Post-ABC News report, 60 percent disapprove of President Bush’s performance. Of the remaining 40 percent 18% didn’t understand the question, 12% Said they had taped the “Country Music Awards” and hadn’t seen any performances yet and 10% answered D) Lampshade.

Jurors in the Moussaoui trial listened to a tape of flight 93 on Wednesday afterwards Moussaoui said he thought the tape was way overproduced and that he liked Osama’s early acoustic work better.

The New York Times reported that the Bush administration cannot find anyone willing to become the Director of FEMA the major stumbling block seems to be that the nation’s “emergency response experts” identified the Bush administration itself as an uninhabitable disaster zone as far back as 2002.

Nickelodeon kids choice awards were handed out last Saturday and once again the best comedy award was given to a loud and extended fart noise.

US intelligence and terrorism experts say they believe Iran would respond to US military strikes on nuclear facilities by launching terrorist attacks. No word at this time on where they would get such a notion that bombing a Middle -Eastern country might cause that kind of reaction.

CBS News is set to hire “Today’s Katie Couric as the first solo female anchor of network news broadcast. According to industry insiders the reporting of the War in Iraq, the Hurricane Katrina disaster, and the implosion of Bush administration policies just hasn’t been perky enough.

British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw and Condoleezza Rice traveled to Iraq in hopes of breaking a stalemate in the formation of a new government there. As it turns out glossy photos of an African American woman and a British guy smiling and waving are not what’s needed.

Wal-Mart said it plans to build more than 50 stores in struggling communities over the next two years. Said a Wal-Mart Spokesman, “In the past we have been able to cripple fairly robust small communities so this will be easy, Let’s do this people.”

Over the week-end John McCain reversed or disavowed his position on Taxes, Iraq and the religious right leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind that his run to the White House started in earnest earlier this week with a quick visit with Satan at the Fustian bargain restaurant and lounge.

Former Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark accused the Bush administration Saturday of taking the nation on a “path to nowhere” with misguided moves on national security. In response, the Bush administration issued a statement saying, “We are not going nowhere our plan will lead us to paradise and eternal hell-fire and damnation of the pits of Hell, respectively. It’s just taking a little longer than expected.”

A teacher in Ventura, California who kept a 40 mm shell on his desk as a paperweight blew off part of his hand when he apparently used the object to try to squash a bug. Buddha says, “Karma’s a bitch, dude”

In Kuwait on Tuesday, women voted and ran as candidates for the first time in a municipal election. Unfortunately none of the female candidates will be able to take office later this month as they were promptly stoned to death.

A man in Seattle, WA shot six people, at a party, before turning the gun on himself this past Saturday. For the record it has always been this reporters considered opinion that Kurt Cobain is God.

Scientists in northeastern Ethiopia said Saturday that they have discovered the skull of a small human ancestor that could be a missing link between the extinct Homo erectus and modern man. Or it may be 357,000th trick by Satan to shake our faith in the lord Jesus Christ.

LA authorities are examining a surveillance tape that shows an elderly woman wandering Skid Row in a hospital gown and slippers after being “dumped” from a cab. A hospital spokesman said, “this is a regrettable incident in the future will be sure that there are no video cameras where we dump them off, or we will just make them walk on their own.”

Recent proposed changes to immigration laws have set off a series of protests all over Southern California. This was followed by the inevitable counter-protest by area contractors at Home Depot unable to get anyone to carry heavy stuff for $5 a day during the marches.