Swamp Elective

President Bush yesterday named his top economic adviser, Ben S. Bernanke, to succeed Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. Marking the 27th time the president has filled a cabinet vacancy with someone who works less than 100 yards from his desk. An eight year-old girl is credited with the first bear killed this hunting season. The third grader named the 211 lb. Brown bear Teddy and is looking forward to bagging some giant Barbies and a pony. With conjecture heating up surrounding a possible indictment of the Vice President in the Valerie Plame case. Rumors have started circulating that Dick Cheney is heading up a committee to replace himself and that he is the front-runner to take over after his removal. Iraqi electoral officials announced Monday that voters had ratified a new constitution. They say that, as always, Ralph Nader had no effect on the final tally but were surprised that Pat Buchanan got 28% of the vote in Tikrit. Janet Jackson has been rumored to have a secret daughter according to her former brother in-law James DeBarge. The girl, who is now 18, said that she was sure Janet was her mother when she was able to identify Ms. Jackson at the 2003 Super-Bowl. A congressional investigation revealed Michael D. Brown was days away from announcing plans to resign as director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency when Hurricane Katrina hit Aug. 29. Making him unqualified, incompetent, a quitter. When asked about her pregnancy Katie Holmes said, Katie enters with Scientologist right behind her “I've never been so happy … I'm beaming. Right?�? Scientologist handler gives her a cookie and pats her head. Justin Timberlake came to the defense of his former girlfriend, Britney Spears, Monday saying he felt sorry for her having to fight with the press over photos of her infant son…oh, and her husband being kind of a dirtbag…and the fact that she’s not too bright. Actor George Clooney said this week that the pain from a spinal injury suffered on the set of the upcoming Syrianna was so great he thought about committing suicide. That was, until he discovered what a fist-full of Vicodin and some Demerol can do. 55% of Americans in a USA Today Gallup poll say that they disapprove of the Republican administration. Sadly of those 55% most believe that the Democrats suck too.