Swamp Elective

Award season is fast approaching and not to be out done we here at Big News give out a weekly Golden Irony Award. This week’s recipient: The United States Military Reservation at Guantanimo Bay, Cuba.
Now this is a story that has virtually disappeared from the radar screen of the major media. Why? Well maybe, because it makes the United States look like scumbags.
Not like evil doer scumbags, but more like: Nice clean-cut fraternity boys who say Yes ma’am and no sir and just had a little too much to drink, you know like kids do, and that’s why they raped and sodomizied your daughter but they feel really bad about it (don’t you boys) kind of scumbags.
See if you can follow this. We don’t do business with Cuba because they’re communist, not the giving money to little old ladies so they don’t have to eat cat food social security kind. Real honest to goodness worker control the means of production kind. Is that the only reason? No. There are a bunch of reasons, don’t get me wrong Fidel Castro has a fairly well earned daughter sodomizing rep himself. But the oft-sighted reason for the embargo against Cuba is Human rights violations…you know like treating political prisoners unfairly.
Now I’m sure all of the three hundred “detainees” are guilty as sin. I mean they were hiding in the caves of Afghanistan. And MARINES apprehended them. Oh, I know what your thinking but these aren’t like the old, I flunked the civil service exam three times and now I have to go in the service or work at my cousin Fritz’s methamphetamine lab in South Dakota, THEY’VE GOT COMPUTERS NOW. (Nice and slow for irony) and hiding in caves is pretty shady to start with.
So if they’re guilty of plotting to overthrow the U.S. or they were shooting weapons at UN Soldiers why don’t we put them on trial, the Nazi’s got trials. And this is the best part ‘cause there in Cuba!, those damn Cubans! See we don’t own the military base at Guantanamo Bay Cuba we rent it! For a dollar a century and if it’s anything like our UN dues we’re probably waiting for Ted Turner to pay the bill. So due to a conveniently placed loophole, we can invoke the, “democracy does not exist in a vacuum clause” of the Constitution and leave people locked up indefinitely like hash smugglers in Turkey.
Democracy is a great idea let’s prove it to every one in the world by acting on it when it’s not convenient, when it might make us look weak, and when it may blow up in our faces. Because that’s bravery, not driving around in an SUV with a Fuck Saddam bumper sticker on the back.
So this weeks-Golden Irony Award goes to “Gitmo”